Personal Stories

Terry Bailey-Pullen

"On that very same day, I was given the antidepressant Nortryptaline when I was still in a coma-like state, without my wife knowing about it - on top of the 9 other drugs that I was taking at that time... I was not given a CT scan at all. The consultant of neurology was under the misguided impression that anxiety was causing my collapse and that I had a psychogenic coma!!!"

Born: 02 August 1949

Contact info: Grange-Over-Sands, County Cumbria, England, U.K.

Currently doing: Terry is taking an enforced retirement due to a "psychotic breakdown" and overmedication. Since throwing away all his drugs, he has recovered sufficiently to enable him to go shopping and run other errands, accompanied by his wife. Terry does pursue certain sedentary hobbies, such as tracing his family history and doing crafts.

Mental health experience: Inpatient, Outpatient, Psychiatric Drugs, Forced Treatment, Coercive Treatment, Restraints

Psychiatric labels: Morbid Personality, Anxiety Neurosis, Psychogenic Coma, Schizophrenia

Psychiatric drugs taken in the past: Prozac, Paracetamol, Zopiclone, Valium, Diclofenac, Migraleve, Stemetil, Kapake, Thorazine, Imipramine, Co-codamol, Risperdal, Trimipramine, Buspar, Procyclidine, Lithium, Remeron, Zyprexa, Zoton, Clomipramine, Lansoprazole, Co-proximal, Effexor, Bendrofluazide, Nortryptaline, Tramadol, Acetazolamide

Recovery methods: Self-Help, One-on-One Therapy, Diet, Social Activism, Spirituality, Meditation, Art/Music, Family/Friends, Nature, animals, and birdsong

Greatest obstacle: The absolute denial of all my medics that 11 prescription drugs could actually harm me instead of curing me!

Brief History:

Three years ago I was having difficulties at work and suffered a serious stress-overload/mental breakdown.

From day one of my breakdown, I was made to take medications (which changed almost daily) and attend very questionable classes. Neither I, nor my wife, were involved with any decisions or alterations to my 'treatment' program. My wife was never told about possible side effects of the many drugs I was given.

I was never asked for my consent to any 'treatment' other than ECT. I refused ECT in spite of constant and unrelenting pressure from consultants and nurses every day when I was in the 'care' of psychiatrists from April 1998 to January 1999. Whenever I refused ECT, my medication was increased!!!

The distribution of drugs was strict and unrelenting. I had to queue with other patients for a long time on the landing for my drugs and had to take them in the presence of everyone there. Times were strict too. 10 p.m. and 7 a.m., despite the fact that I wanted to go to bed sometimes by 8 p.m. If I was asleep I was awoken and forced to walk the long corridor for my drugs.

In the mornings I was awoken at 5.30 a.m. in order to shower and get to the drug queue. Even when I was hardly able to walk and asked for my drugs to be brought to me I had to join the queue. Unable by then to even stand I consequently collapsed. I was carried to my room by the other patients and was forced to sign a disclaimer, which at the time I did not understand.

I was coerced into attending long 'training sessions' in such subjects as 'cognitive therapy' (despite not even being able to understand the word cognitive!!), which were held in a setting similar to my place of work (which was the last thing I need at the time). I was expected to be highly interactive, despite not even understanding what was being said, at times being unable to remain awake and suffering constantly from an uncontrollable, serious, drug-induced stutter and trembling. At times I was tested in front of the other patients and I felt totally ridiculed. I simply wanted peace and quiet and no pain. This had, apparently, become almost a mantra for me since day one, but nobody listened, apart from my wife, who was powerless to intervene.

When I complained of 'seeing demons' clawing themselves out of the walls, my medications were immediately increased, worsening the effects to the extent that I dragged my mattress into the corridor and tried to sleep there. None of the staff bothered to find out why or to try to help me overcome these terrifying sensations.

During the previous two years, I was never on less than 3 strong neuroleptic drugs at once, and by May of 2000, I was taking a total of 9 different medications!

On June 10th, 2000 I had my third emergency admission to Preston Hospital with a huge flare up of intra-cranial hypertension accompanied with delirium, fever, vomiting, loss of feeling in hands and arms, intense head and eye pain, and photophobia.

Upon entering the hospital, I collapsed into a coma.

On that very same day, I was given the antidepressant Nortryptaline when I was still in a coma-like state, without my wife knowing about it - on top of the 9 other drugs that I was taking at that time! An analgesic was given at the same time for severe headache as a spinal tap was refused, in spite of my wifes request. It was afterwards that we found out the reason for this lack of essential tests and pressure relieving procedure was that I was not given a CT scan at all. The consultant of neurology was under the misguided impression that anxiety was causing my collapse and that I had a 'psychogenic' coma!!!

The next day, Tramadol, an analgesic, was given for severe my headache and this brought the total number of drugs up to 11. After 9 days, when my wife asked for a second opinion and the consultant reluctantly agreed to a spinal tap, which revealed very high intra-cranial pressure, my headache subsided when the pressure went down to normal. Tramadol was still continued after my headache had improved and this proves that the consultant was oblivious to the fact that 11 drugs were far too much for my system to cope with, as this very strong analgesic should have been stopped immediately.

After being discharged from the hospital following a stay of 25 days, I decided to throw all my drugs away and almost immediately noticed a dramatic improvement of most of my symptoms, especially the recovery of my mind!!!

Self-help therapies which were of great benefit and still are: being with my pet cats; (I cannot over-emphasize pet therapy enough), being in nature, gardening, painting, and learning the craft of willow basketry and garden sculptures.

I was also helped by a kinesiologist. This is a brilliant therapy, in which the 'practitioner' is able to contact the 'patient's' higher mind using a method of muscle testing. The first thing evident was that my vitamin and mineral levels were dangerously low as prescription drugs can and do deplete these vital nutrients from the body. I was put on a kind of osteoporosis course of tablets. Then other herbs and gentle remedies, such as Bach Flower essences, homeopathic tinctures etc., were given to support my liver and begin the detoxification of my system.

I also had cranial sacral therapy for a short time and hypnotherapy, which helped me to sort out my ultra-confused mind. Drugs cannot do this for you, you have to do it yourself. I also discovered a holistic masseuse, who has been a brilliant help, and I still have a weekly massage to this day.

To help me with my mind and past emotional trauma I had a past life reading with a talented psychic. The traumas I experienced in this life were explained and I understood much more when I could view them in context of some of my former lives. This was exceedingly and dramatically helpful to me.

I now have the time to carry on with my hobby of family history research which entails reading archive material and writing up reports - both by using the computer and by hand. I am once again able to enjoy reading, a passion that was eradicated totally when I was taking drugs.

Watercolor painting has also been very therapeutic, and listening to music cannot be over-emphasized for its healing qualities. Also for the first time for 5 years, I have this last Christmas been able to sing again in a couple of choirs for their carol concerts. I used to sing for many years in a large choir in South East London, where I lived before I was married. Now I am just able to manage one evening choir practice (1 hour) a week, as I had been asked to join the small church choir that sings every Sunday morning.

Since my partial recovery from my acute illness I have retired and been able to become involved with the formation of an environmental community group here in Grange. We organize group litter picks and due to my computer, letter and report writing skills, the group has secured high media profile.

My wife campaigns as much as she is able on raising awareness of the dangers of polypharmacy and iatrogenic illness - particularly the dangers of psychiatric drugs. We were able to help a BBC TV Panorama team with research into their next program that is scheduled to follow a program called 'the Secrets of Seroxat.'

Since my stepdaughter died ten years ago, my wife and I have been drawn into and propelled along a spiritual pathway, as we had to understand what had happened or we were in danger of following our daughter! I converted to Roman Catholicism, and both of us follow a pathway which is based totally on love and compassion for all beings but, most importantly all creatures and the planet herself.

I have learned not to criticize myself now, indeed even to praise myself for the smallest of achievements and, most certainly not to feel guilty about the past in any way. I now realize that it was this acute lack of self-love that I have felt for most of my life, undoubtedly lead to most of my physical illnesses and mental breakdown.

By far the most important part of my recovery was the realization that I had to take control of my life by saying 'NO' to the medics and by throwing away the chemical drugs that were killing me. If I had not have been taken into hospital and treated so bizarrely and unacceptably - then I wouldn't have been able to do this, as over the years, I had trusted the medics and held onto my drugs like a lifeline!